donderdag 13 augustus 2015

My own flow

I used to start my days musing with my first coffee , some writing and than GO .
Because my life was filled with my four children and my job as a kindergarten-teacher .
That was my ME-time .
I loved my very-early-morning bike rides to school when the world was waking up and I seemed to be the only one on the road ..... The rhythm in my biking worked as a creative inspirational process.
Thinking about the day to come .....
I was always very early at "work" so I could pick fresh flowers and have coffee and making a warm welcome for the children .

Not working anymore and no children in my home anymore changed all of that .
Now it's August 2015 and after receiving two new hips in 2014 I am working on my come-back 😊
I have one new "job" and that is being a grandmother .
She is a bundle of joy and has so much love to give for free ❤️
From the first time I saw her , and my son as a father I entered a whole new world .

In my new function as a grandmother all comes together to the MAX .
My experience as a mother and as a teacher in a whole new dimension.

So far so good.
I could have graduate in ADJUSTING  with honors 
But I never was very good in taking care of myself . Taking care of others was my first always. 
So , being on my own I started to believe I did not take care of myself very well and by adjusting I did not make my own choices in life .
That a sad thought..... How could that be my life ? I could not believe that would be the outcome !
So I did not give up and "studied" this new fase and challenge and was determined to not give up on myself .
And than life started to bring me new lessons . At first I did not notice them as lessons . To be honest for a while I was thinking all went wrong !
That's a whole other way of looking 😊
And than things started to change .
I began to see "lights" ......
I had clear moments .
I developed my own kind of therapy 
Knitting , just to see what the colors did next to one another. Just to knit .

And also 
Endlessly coloring for harmony and joy 
I draw the forms with gold and than color them .
Not for showing but just for me .made my head at peace. 
And my third therapy 
Making little garlands from felt-hearts also to be busy with my hands and enjoying the happy colors .
Also just for myself but garlands have to hang free and so I could no longer hide my process . 

Doing all of that the thoughts in my head and the memories found new ways to bring peace in my mind .
I was so used to keep much for myself because I had to do it myself as a single mother of four and than the walls started to crumble and I had to learn to involve others in my process. I had to learn to ask for help and accept help .

I send some garlands all over the world to blog friends 
(If you would like to have one I gladly send you one or as many as you like 😂)

My life as a mother

My dream was happily ever married 
It changed when he left us 
And I had to be so much braver than I ever imagined 
To make the best of it .
There was not always time to be in the present .
There was so much to do and to worry about . I have spend endless time on worrying.
And now that's changing/changed too .
No more worries but 
JOY and happiness in my life 

And thanks to my newest way of blogging on my IPhone I can finally add my own pictures in my text .
I am slowly getting there 

Being the grandmother of Eva makes my life such a joy ❤️

Happy blogging to all of you 

woensdag 5 augustus 2015

🎏 chaos 🎏


To much is happening around me 
and I have a hard job to
focus and be myself
whatever THAT may be .
I am so trying to find my way in 
the life I have now and
somehow I am an outsider .
When life is calm I am okay and I have been able to survive and handle bustle 
when I was a mom of four with a full time teaching job ..... But that has changed.
Oddly enough I seem to have lost control.
I do know it's important to me to KNOW what's coming so I can be prepared.
Well that is not how life works .
My children may not live in my home anymore they for sure are still in my life and a part of my life . That's the good thing of course .
However in my head that causes to much when they want me to come along and share their real life .
I already mentioned I am a stay-at-home person loving to hear the stories .
But I must admit , knowing that , I think it finally brings resignation .
Aha ..... This is how I am who I am .
I can choose now , for my own , how to fill my life .
Hope you don't think I am confused .
It's the opposite.
What's changed is , I am in charge now
and must take care of myself now .
I was so used to take care of others .
This new "job" is the most important one of all . In the others I succeeded if I may say so .
For a while I assumed being a grandmother was my new challenge 
For a part that's true but above all being me is the biggest challenge .
Today I have a lazy ME day and that means , writing , reading , coffee and in the house . Just me and myself .
Thank you for following and taking time to leave comments . That means the world to me . 
Happy August to you ❤️