My own flow

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I used to start my days musing with my first coffee , some writing and than GO .

Because my life was filled with my four children and my job as a kindergarten-teacher .

That was my ME-time .

I loved my very-early-morning bike rides to school when the world was waking up and I seemed to be the only one on the road ..... The rhythm in my biking worked as a creative inspirational process.

Thinking about the day to come .....

I was always very early at "work" so I could pick fresh flowers and have coffee and making a warm welcome for the children .

Not working anymore and no children in my home anymore changed all of that .

Now it's August 2015 and after receiving two new hips in 2014 I am working on my come-back 😊

I have one new "job" and that is being a grandmother .

She is a bundle of joy and has so much love to give for free ❤️

From the first time I saw her , and my son as a father I entered a whole new world .

In my new function as a grandmother all comes together to the MAX .

My experience as a mother and as a teacher in a whole new dimension.

So far so good.

I could have graduate in ADJUSTING  with honors 

But I never was very good in taking care of myself . Taking care of others was my first always. 

So , being on my own I started to believe I did not take care of myself very well and by adjusting I did not make my own choices in life .

That a sad thought..... How could that be my life ? I could not believe that would be the outcome !

So I did not give up and "studied" this new fase and challenge and was determined to not give up on myself .

And than life started to bring me new lessons . At first I did not notice them as lessons . To be honest for a while I was thinking all went wrong !

That's a whole other way of looking 😊

And than things started to change .

I began to see "lights" ......

I had clear moments .

I developed my own kind of therapy 

Knitting , just to see what the colors did next to one another. Just to knit .

And also 

Coloring/drawing 

Endlessly coloring for harmony and joy 

I draw the forms with gold and than color them .

Not for showing but just for me .made my head at peace. 

And my third therapy 

Making little garlands from felt-hearts also to be busy with my hands and enjoying the happy colors .

Also just for myself but garlands have to hang free and so I could no longer hide my process . 

Doing all of that the thoughts in my head and the memories found new ways to bring peace in my mind .

I was so used to keep much for myself because I had to do it myself as a single mother of four and than the walls started to crumble and I had to learn to involve others in my process. I had to learn to ask for help and accept help .

I send some garlands all over the world to blog friends 

(If you would like to have one I gladly send you one or as many as you like 😂)

My life as a mother

My dream was happily ever married 

It changed when he left us 

And I had to be so much braver than I ever imagined 

To make the best of it .

There was not always time to be in the present .

There was so much to do and to worry about . I have spend endless time on worrying.

And now that's changing/changed too .

No more worries but 

JOY and happiness in my life 

And thanks to my newest way of blogging on my IPhone I can finally add my own pictures in my text .

I am slowly getting there 

Being the grandmother of Eva makes my life such a joy ❤️

Happy blogging to all of you 

🎏 chaos 🎏

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*

To much is happening around me 

and I have a hard job to

focus and be myself

whatever THAT may be .

I am so trying to find my way in 

the life I have now and

somehow I am an outsider .

When life is calm I am okay and I have been able to survive and handle bustle 

when I was a mom of four with a full time teaching job ..... But that has changed.

Oddly enough I seem to have lost control.

I do know it's important to me to KNOW what's coming so I can be prepared.

Well that is not how life works .

My children may not live in my home anymore they for sure are still in my life and a part of my life . That's the good thing of course .

However in my head that causes to much when they want me to come along and share their real life .

I already mentioned I am a stay-at-home person loving to hear the stories .

But I must admit , knowing that , I think it finally brings resignation .

Aha ..... This is how I am who I am .

I can choose now , for my own , how to fill my life .

Hope you don't think I am confused .

It's the opposite.

What's changed is , I am in charge now

and must take care of myself now .

I was so used to take care of others .

This new "job" is the most important one of all . In the others I succeeded if I may say so .

For a while I assumed being a grandmother was my new challenge 

For a part that's true but above all being me is the biggest challenge .

Today I have a lazy ME day and that means , writing , reading , coffee and in the house . Just me and myself .

Thank you for following and taking time to leave comments . That means the world to me . 

Happy August to you ❤️