for all of you ........

*

The promise

in the flower-bulbs

this time of the year

always

is

an inspiration for me

*

I love the

grape hyacinths

*

wish I could send you all

a tray like this

*

So much is happening

overhere

so much I could not have

ever imagened

*

Elisabeth came home

from the hospital

and the collapsed lung

is well now .

She was so glad to be home !

*

and I was afraid

every day

because

she would loose her

beautiful long hair

*

and than

thursdaymorning

I came downstairs

for my morning coffee ! !

and there was a note .

( she always leaves me notes )

*

dear mommy

do not scare

but my hair is gone

and it's not so bad at all

*

I do not know how long I stood there

but finally I made my coffee..............

*

she was still sleeping

and I did not want to wake her

because she has trouble sleeping

each night .......

*

so I waited

and wondered

why was I so afraid

for this to happen

*

Elisabeth surprised me

each and every time

by her positive attitude

that's how she was and is

*

and than I heard footsteps

coming

and there she was

SMILING

and wearing a grey woollen hat.

*

when she noticed

it had begun

she called a friend

who is bold as bold can be

He always shaves his own head

and she asked him

to help her .

*

All this happened

in the night

while I was sleeping

*

and than she

did the hat off

and there she was

her face smiling

her eyes even more speaking

and

NO HAIR

bold as can be

*

I gave a kiss

on the top !

*

why was I so afraid

for this to happen

Here she was

telling it had been cold

in the night

on her head !

even wearing the hat !

*

She had been shopping

for cotton hat's

to wear at night

and found them

on the baby-section !

*

After showering she told me

she was done so much faster !

*

and I

I am so relieved

now we move foreward

and only have

five more chemo's

to go

*

I felt so helpless

the nights she was so sad

and crying for all her losts

her breast

her boyfriend/relation

so heartbroken

and no one could help her

she had to do that part

all on herself

*

but when the night is gone

and a new day arrived

she always is 

as bright as the new day 

*

the future 

is promissing 

as the grape hyacinths

*

for all of us 

* 

something new ....

*

Pushpin polisher

*

Today someone told me

I have to

reconsider

my options

if being a teacher

is no longer an option

*

Seriously

the lady

with all her forms

had to fill in

ANSWERS

*

So she said

I have to fill in

three options

even when it's

PUSHPIN-POLISHER

( punaise-poetser in dutch )

*

at the end

when I was on my way home

with a huge headache

I

suddenly

smiled and smiled and

I thought

I can start my own webshop

with the cutest pushpins

of the whole world

Hi hi

*

But

never the less

 I do have to reconsider

and

that makes me so sad

that all I can think

is

NOT TODAY

*

All I want is to be healthy

*

Why oh why

is all this happening

with Elisabeth

and with me

*

Why cannot things be

as they were  ?

*

Okay

I know

...........

but not today

okay ?

*

oh....my coffee.......sigh ......

*

It is not easy

taking my problems

 one at a time

 when they refuse

to get in line .

Ashleigh Brilliant .

*

I love my coffee

the first coffee in the morning

mmmmmmm

and than during the day

my coffee-moments help me

to be calm and take time

to think

..........

and enjoy

and be calm

and

......



to become .....

*

If you treat

an individual

as if he / she were

what he / she ought to be

and COULD be

he / she will become

what he / she ought to be

and could be

GOETHE

*

This quote is in my new

agenda 2012 .

*

and

just

 what

 I needed

*

I think we

teachers

are

adjusted

to think and see

and believe

in this .

*

happy thoughts

for all of you

*



make the day

*

SHE

is home

yesterday

was the first

CHEMO

*

SHE

is still sleeping

and I am having my

first coffee

*

SHE

did not wanted me

to go with her yesterday

Her best friend SONJA

went with her

and brought her home.

*

I'll never forget

the way my sweet beautiful girl

looked

when she came out of the car.

*

Mothers

are supposed

to be natural talents

and we are in a way

*

But why is it sometimes

so difficult

and

almost TOO hard ?

*

But

we cannot get more

than we can cope with

so

........

It's a new day

and we are HOME

and I am strong

and I can do it .

*

By the way

ELISABETH

is the one

who has to do it

*

when she was

3 years old

her tonsils

had to be removed

and after the operation

when she was home

and laying on the couch

3 years old

she had this look in her eyes

............

oh my ........

and

she did not speak

for a week

a whole week

*

We all were SO WORRIED ...

*

that's how she was....................

*

the evening
before the chemo

when I was

nauseous of fear

I suddenly became

very calm .

All of a sudden

I had this

realization

.

.

all the things I learned

from life

made me who I am today

and

of course I have to be there

for Elisabeth now

but

I know now

the biggest part will be

when all is over

and life begins anew for her....

*

Than

I have to be there

as her mother

to guide her finding herself again

Because I have known her

all her life

and I will be

visualising the future

even more promissing

for her

*

day

by

day

*



family

*'

sister and brother

Anna and Thomas

*

*

Anna Maria Charlotte

*

*

Vanessa and Eva

*

Anna lives in France

*

*

Elisabeth Johanna

*

*

Eva and Elisabeth

*

*

My first born Valentijn

and his Vanessa

and little Eva

*

they all have

 their lifes

and

 I

have mine

and

we

 also are

 part of

 each-other's life .

*

how

wonderful

*

HAPPY NEW YEAR

*

HAPPY

HAPPY

HAPPY

NEW

YEAR

*

TO

YOU

AND

YOU

AND

ALL

OF

YOU

*

*H*O*M*E*

*

A

HOUSE

IS

MADE

OF

WALLS

AND

BEAMS

*

A

HOME

IS

BUILT

WITH

LOVE

AND

DREAMS

*

I have the feeling

all that is happening

lately

is a sort of an exam

*

All I have been learning

in life

has come to a point

I have to prove

I can do it .

ALL

*

and you know what ?

I have grown

and I feel

strong

*

and that

makes me

smile

*

isn't that a wonderful thought

to close the year of 2011

and start

2012

*

wish you all

a very good start

too

*

If only......

*

In the weeks before

CHRISTMAS

when so much was

changed in our lifes

I longed for

just watching a movie

in the evening

*

Watching a movie

can be so comforting

( for  me it is )

*

I did not know why

but

I wanted to see

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

I believed the film

was in my house

somewhere

and I started to look

EVERYWHERE

but no no no

nowhere

*

the longer it took

the harder I wanted to see it

*

So I was in the store

to buy one

but again not to be found

*

the longer it took

the harder I realy wanted

to see this movie

*

I asked everyone

and than my daugther Anna said

we do have the movie

but on video

and we cannot watch video's

anymore

because we watch dvd's now

*

oh oh oh

*

I gave up

*

Next year !

*

and than

yesterday

my girls went to the hospital

because Elisabeth

had to have an echo

because she is going

to have her eggs harvested

to be frozen.

and after the hospital/echo

they went for lunch

and

they found me

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

*

and

I watched

and oh that feels

comforting

*

All will be well for us too !

*

If only .....

all was behind us

*

we have faith

*



KEEP AWAY ........

*

I wrote

about did-not-knowing

PINTEREST

*

I did not have time

to look since I heard

about it

BUT

my daughter ANNA

who is visiting for a week

( she lives in France )

was curious

and she was so excited

she was behind her laptop

all evening and

she could not stop

calling me

SEE THIS

SEE THAT

*

and

than

I knew

*

NOT FOR ME

NOT NOW

*

I hardly have time

to Blog

and Blogging was and is

my first love !

*

I am not on

twitter

facebook

*

Thank you Koralee

for your wise advise

*

I am so

intending to

find time and space

for ME

*

and blogging

is wonderful

*

wishing all of you

many moments

of peace in your house

because

HOME

IS

WHERE

THE

HEART

IS

*

did not know ......

*

Can

you believe

I

never knew

what

PINTEREST

was / is

*

So now I am finding out

and oh my .......

a new world

OPENS

*

merry christmas

*

A

MERRY

CHRISTMAS

TO

YOU

AND

YOU

AND

YOU

*

*

*

*

OH NO ........

*

I do not know about you

but I am not so smart

with all the new

developments

*

A month ago

my oldest son gave me

an IPhone .

Yes !

so I can receive

photo's and video's

from EVA my granddaughter

He can send them to me

*

So I had to learn

to have an IPhone

as a phone

and

all the other options

there are to use

*

BUT

yesterday

something happened

My phone

got on the blink

and here I was

not knowing what to do

*

my first reaction in such cases

is always

call my son .

Hey

without my phone

no calling !

*

I do still have

a house phone

but hey I do not have

all the mobile numbers

*

They are all

in my Iphone !

*

I cannot reach any-one

*

In my old=fashioned

addressbook

Handwritten addresses

but no mobile numbers

from my children .

*

I send an email

to my son and hey

he reads his mail

on his IPhone

so

he called me on the house-phone

*

I am SO going to write down

VERY OLDFASHIONED

all the numbers

tonight

*

How about you ?

*

let your light shine

*

little lights

everywhere

*

twenty years ago

we brought a little light

to a friend

who had cancer .

*

we made the light ourselves

me and my children

and

it was december

almost Christmas

*

ever since

each year

he reminds me

how that little light

made the difference

for him

*

he is still around

and

we are so happy he is !

*

Let's give little lights

as much as we can

*



BAKING

*

our house is

filled with the scent of baking

christmas biscuits

*

I always was a BLUE girl

but after my divorce

I became a RED - loving- girl .

and

now

We are ALL WHITE

complete make-over .

I am still adjusting

it's so different

and I have so many beautiful

decorations for Christmas

ALL IN RED

*

All stays upstairs

this year

We are going

all white

*

Wish you

ALL

a wonderful week

towards Christmas !

*



love is all around

*

Love

is

all

around

us

*

We are doing well

Life changed for all of us

but there is so much

to be thankfull for

so much

*

We take everything

day by day

*

The chemo's will start

january 5

*

But

before all of that

lots of appointments

in the hospital.

*

I try to think

everyone working in the hospital

is doing his/her best

but they cannot even imagen

how it must be

to hear all this

for the first time

*

They have told this

for many times

to lots of people

sadly true

*

But

we have eachother

and there is so much love

all around us

*

Christmas

is

a

very

special

time

of

the

year

*

Thank you

all

for your support

and being here

*

* H * O * P * E *

*

I hesitated for a while

if I should share

with you

what is happening

in my life

the last few weeks .

*

Well I cannot hold it back

It's in my life now

and it's for REAL

*

My beautiful daughter

ELISABETH

who is only 27 years young

had a little lumb in her breast.

She went to the hospital

and they told her

not to worrie

at all

completely innocent

and it could stay or

she could have it removed.

*

She did not like the idea

so she decided to have it removed

by a plastic surgeon

*

the operation went well

and she was relieved.

*

Than the surgeon called

and told it was a

malignant tumour

*

From that moment

life changed

*

For her of course

but also for me

for her sister and her brothers

for the family

and her friends

*

The

whole

 breast

 had to be removed

and also

the gatekeeper gland

*

I

never

ever

imagened

this scenario

for my child

*

SHE

is a very happy person

and there is always light where she appears

and laughter

and she has lots of friends.

*

So immidiately

the house was filled with friends

at first in shock and crying

but SHE turned that around

*

She was brave

all the time

and now she only has

one breast .

*
We are so glad
the gatekeeper gland
WAS CLEAN !
*
The next step is chemo therapy
and the conversations about that
are next week .
*
I did not know
how to blog and not tell
*
now you know
and I can
blog again
I really missed you
*
Hope you are
all
save and well
*