*
*
I changed my mind
I was not going to tell you all
to share with you
about my SECOND operation ,
untill afterwards.
When all would be behind.
Tomorrow ... February 11
I will receive MY SECOND NEW HIP
The other hip was also very bad
and I still was in a lot of pain
with that one.
However
my new hip is a true miracle
No more pain and
recovering wonderful
The difference
could not be bigger
My one part is now better than a long time
and my other part is still in pain .
before I dared to say that
to admit that
took me a while
When I went back to the hospital
for my check-up
I was grateful and happy
and I was afraid and sad.
My orthopedist
understood immediately
what was going on .
The pictures confirmed
my story .
Let's do the other one too
he sad .
I was relieved
and
sad at the same time.
Relieved
because when the second one
was going to be
as wonderful as the first
than all my misery
would be solved
Sad
because I hoped I was done
and now I had to do all once more.
all over again.
Why did I had so much trouble
sharing all of this ?
I guess It felt like
I disappointed every-one.
Every-one was so happy for me
and glad for me
and focussed on my recovery
I supposed
that was what every-one
wanted to hear .
I was afraid
to admit the truth.
I was afraid
If I would share it
it became real
and I could not handle that yet.
for myself.
The first operation was already
such a big step for me
A lot happened since than
with me
as a person
The balance
was far away
my one half was reborn
and able to focus on the future
and my other half
was still old and used up
and reminding me of the past .
old and new
next to each other
in me
I intended
not to share
any of this
and
tell all about it
when the second operation would be done
and now
I changed my mind
and that is a big step for me
and I realise now
how happy that makes me
How I have changed allready
and how I am not afraid anymore
about life as it is .
somewhere
on the way I had become
a scared human being
and I adjusted
to make sure
as little as possible
could go wrong and hurt me
so I lived very safely
and
I made sure not much could
hurt me anymore
so I shared only what was safe .
I learned SO MUCH in the last months
SO MUCH
and I finally let go
all of my fears
and I realised
how I can share
what's happening
and what's going to happen
Tomorrow
with you
because
THAT
is how it is.
HELLO WORLD
I am here
in the present
and I am SO LOOKING FORWARD
to the big day tomorrow
or better said
to my new life after that.....
Oh boy
there will be so many
SURPRISES
to come
I hope you forgive me
for sharing this
so late in the process
*
