confused

*

*

yesterday-evening

I saw a program on tv 

and they were talking about

blogging and vlogging and you-tube followers

and sponsorship.........

and suddenly I realised

I AM OLD .

pick a word and start writing

says the part on the top 

I love doing that .

I love words and I love

what writing does to me .

How all that's inside my head 

suddely seems to find a way out

on the paper through my pen ,

fountainpen , always.

My hand starts writing and the ink

on the paper brings peace 

and surprises me over and over ...

So often I understood more of myself

after reading what I wrote down .

However

I am not so good in just writing

as in a diary .....

It has to be adressed to ......

like in a letter ......

or in a blog ...........

For a long time 

my children were the ones 

who kept me informed 

when I saw what they were doing

and how they were doing it .

now they are all living on their own 

and I do not see so much anymore .

I already was looking for 

where I could belong 

in blogging for example.

since my life changed so much

by no more working 

no more children in the house 

I kind of lost my goal ..............

and it came to me 

I had to find out for myself 

what I want .........................

so 

I decided 

that will be my subject 

that is what I will write about 

my search 

in the past years 

there were so many 

chances to look back to 

how it was 

and how it is now .

I am still confused but 

I found out that's okay,

as long as I am on my way .......

searching .....

For me it took courage 

to except I do not know

but I would like to know 

so 

here I go 

have a wonderful new week

you all

*

a little help from you , friends

*

living alone 

*

understanding

that my life

is more beautiful 

for having been broken.

a lot happened and a lot changed

and that is in each life .

my life is mine

and made me who I am today

I love blogging 

it took a while before

I found my own way/style 

and along bloggers I connected with.

and than the internet

changed that too

some bloggers disappeared

to facebook , instagram

and lost their need to blogging.

I too am on facebook and instagram

also there trying to find my own way.

I am not looking for followers 

never did 

of course I love when one

loves to follow ME 

when they do .

but I also love to feel connected 

to know there is a connection .

in blogging 

I am 

as in my life now

a kind of living alone again.

my kids are on their own

I am on my own 

and many blogfriends left too

went elswhere

and I feel like on my own here too.

but

I would like to find new friends

here

like in the real world 

I need to go out 

and meet people 

if 

you read my blog

and you have an idea

for me 

please point to me 

other bloggers YOU think

could be an idea for me to 

start following 

I could use a little 

HELP

from friends 

*