woensdag 5 augustus 2015

🎏 chaos 🎏


To much is happening around me 
and I have a hard job to
focus and be myself
whatever THAT may be .
I am so trying to find my way in 
the life I have now and
somehow I am an outsider .
When life is calm I am okay and I have been able to survive and handle bustle 
when I was a mom of four with a full time teaching job ..... But that has changed.
Oddly enough I seem to have lost control.
I do know it's important to me to KNOW what's coming so I can be prepared.
Well that is not how life works .
My children may not live in my home anymore they for sure are still in my life and a part of my life . That's the good thing of course .
However in my head that causes to much when they want me to come along and share their real life .
I already mentioned I am a stay-at-home person loving to hear the stories .
But I must admit , knowing that , I think it finally brings resignation .
Aha ..... This is how I am who I am .
I can choose now , for my own , how to fill my life .
Hope you don't think I am confused .
It's the opposite.
What's changed is , I am in charge now
and must take care of myself now .
I was so used to take care of others .
This new "job" is the most important one of all . In the others I succeeded if I may say so .
For a while I assumed being a grandmother was my new challenge 
For a part that's true but above all being me is the biggest challenge .
Today I have a lazy ME day and that means , writing , reading , coffee and in the house . Just me and myself .
Thank you for following and taking time to leave comments . That means the world to me . 
Happy August to you ❤️

5 opmerkingen:

  1. Good morning dearest Francis.

    I hope you know that I have always valued your friendship for many reasons. You have been kind, you are extremely insightful, your writing skills are impressive, and you share your heart so honestly. I ADORE YOU.

    What you are sharing is so important to release. I find it THRILLING that all of us who are at a "certain age" are courageous enough to talk about our learning (notice I say LEARNING, not problems)....when I was growing up, the adults around me just got OLD and died, never having expressed any sort of insight into growing OLD AND WISE. They just "resigned" and gave up. But I am grateful that both my husband and myself, that we have started a conversation with OURSELVES about our life experience, about our role in this "classroom" of living and yes, DYING one day. There are lessons to learn, to embrace, and for what? To find out who we are, what is in us, what we can do to leave a mark. Not a mark of great wealth or celebrity, but of character. YOU my dear, you are a stellar student, and a wonderful teacher.

    Write, think, stop, listen. YOu have something to say, and you have started off beautifully and will continue to bless me. MUCH LOVE, and thank you for coming to visit. Anita

  2. Heerlijk zo'n dagje Francis ..lekker genieten doe ik ook graag ben een echte huismus....niks mis mee toch ?...liefs Ria x

  3. I'm glad you're figuring out things in your life, Francis. Sometimes ME time is the nicest time of all, especially the coffee hehehe.

    Here's to a new chapter in your life!

    love, ~Sheri

  4. My favorite line in this post is

    "lazy ME day and that means , writing , reading , coffee and in the house . Just me and myself ."

    We all need ME time!