* a little * a lot *

*

a

little

love

heals

a

lot

found this with Anna

from     LILLALOTTA

*

I am so grateful to be able

to visit so many inspiring friends

all over the world .

*

the comments on my blog

I sometimes find difficult to read almost

because they are

SO KIND

I always think : Oh my

I am also

*

I guess we all have this

*

what's true

is

I am being more ME than ever

sounds strange perhaps

but it is as

everything I learned

from life

from living my life

now has come

to

*

AMALGAMATE

( found this word in my dictionary )

I mean all comes together

*

All my life I have loved

 little

matchboxes

*

and

when

 I became a mother

so often I wished

I could keep

a special moment

in a little matchbox

for

LATER

*

and be able to

only now-and-then

have a glimps

feel the feeling

*

also from

 LILLALOTTA

*

and than ....go on

*

Maybe I am talking

GIBBERISH

( dictionary ?)

*

but

it feels

like the boxes

are all still here

in me

and

.........

like happy bookmarks

reminding me

if I should have forgotten

...............................

*

of course all this

is working because

of all the help

from

 my friends

my family

 and

 all of you

*

have a beautiful day

today

and

tomorrow

and

.............

well you know !

*

for all of you ........

*

The promise

in the flower-bulbs

this time of the year

always

is

an inspiration for me

*

I love the

grape hyacinths

*

wish I could send you all

a tray like this

*

So much is happening

overhere

so much I could not have

ever imagened

*

Elisabeth came home

from the hospital

and the collapsed lung

is well now .

She was so glad to be home !

*

and I was afraid

every day

because

she would loose her

beautiful long hair

*

and than

thursdaymorning

I came downstairs

for my morning coffee ! !

and there was a note .

( she always leaves me notes )

*

dear mommy

do not scare

but my hair is gone

and it's not so bad at all

*

I do not know how long I stood there

but finally I made my coffee..............

*

she was still sleeping

and I did not want to wake her

because she has trouble sleeping

each night .......

*

so I waited

and wondered

why was I so afraid

for this to happen

*

Elisabeth surprised me

each and every time

by her positive attitude

that's how she was and is

*

and than I heard footsteps

coming

and there she was

SMILING

and wearing a grey woollen hat.

*

when she noticed

it had begun

she called a friend

who is bold as bold can be

He always shaves his own head

and she asked him

to help her .

*

All this happened

in the night

while I was sleeping

*

and than she

did the hat off

and there she was

her face smiling

her eyes even more speaking

and

NO HAIR

bold as can be

*

I gave a kiss

on the top !

*

why was I so afraid

for this to happen

Here she was

telling it had been cold

in the night

on her head !

even wearing the hat !

*

She had been shopping

for cotton hat's

to wear at night

and found them

on the baby-section !

*

After showering she told me

she was done so much faster !

*

and I

I am so relieved

now we move foreward

and only have

five more chemo's

to go

*

I felt so helpless

the nights she was so sad

and crying for all her losts

her breast

her boyfriend/relation

so heartbroken

and no one could help her

she had to do that part

all on herself

*

but when the night is gone

and a new day arrived

she always is 

as bright as the new day 

*

the future 

is promissing 

as the grape hyacinths

*

for all of us 

* 

something new ....

*

Pushpin polisher

*

Today someone told me

I have to

reconsider

my options

if being a teacher

is no longer an option

*

Seriously

the lady

with all her forms

had to fill in

ANSWERS

*

So she said

I have to fill in

three options

even when it's

PUSHPIN-POLISHER

( punaise-poetser in dutch )

*

at the end

when I was on my way home

with a huge headache

I

suddenly

smiled and smiled and

I thought

I can start my own webshop

with the cutest pushpins

of the whole world

Hi hi

*

But

never the less

 I do have to reconsider

and

that makes me so sad

that all I can think

is

NOT TODAY

*

All I want is to be healthy

*

Why oh why

is all this happening

with Elisabeth

and with me

*

Why cannot things be

as they were  ?

*

Okay

I know

...........

but not today

okay ?

*

oh....my coffee.......sigh ......

*

It is not easy

taking my problems

 one at a time

 when they refuse

to get in line .

Ashleigh Brilliant .

*

I love my coffee

the first coffee in the morning

mmmmmmm

and than during the day

my coffee-moments help me

to be calm and take time

to think

..........

and enjoy

and be calm

and

......



to become .....

*

If you treat

an individual

as if he / she were

what he / she ought to be

and COULD be

he / she will become

what he / she ought to be

and could be

GOETHE

*

This quote is in my new

agenda 2012 .

*

and

just

 what

 I needed

*

I think we

teachers

are

adjusted

to think and see

and believe

in this .

*

happy thoughts

for all of you

*



make the day

*

SHE

is home

yesterday

was the first

CHEMO

*

SHE

is still sleeping

and I am having my

first coffee

*

SHE

did not wanted me

to go with her yesterday

Her best friend SONJA

went with her

and brought her home.

*

I'll never forget

the way my sweet beautiful girl

looked

when she came out of the car.

*

Mothers

are supposed

to be natural talents

and we are in a way

*

But why is it sometimes

so difficult

and

almost TOO hard ?

*

But

we cannot get more

than we can cope with

so

........

It's a new day

and we are HOME

and I am strong

and I can do it .

*

By the way

ELISABETH

is the one

who has to do it

*

when she was

3 years old

her tonsils

had to be removed

and after the operation

when she was home

and laying on the couch

3 years old

she had this look in her eyes

............

oh my ........

and

she did not speak

for a week

a whole week

*

We all were SO WORRIED ...

*

that's how she was....................

*

the evening
before the chemo

when I was

nauseous of fear

I suddenly became

very calm .

All of a sudden

I had this

realization

.

.

all the things I learned

from life

made me who I am today

and

of course I have to be there

for Elisabeth now

but

I know now

the biggest part will be

when all is over

and life begins anew for her....

*

Than

I have to be there

as her mother

to guide her finding herself again

Because I have known her

all her life

and I will be

visualising the future

even more promissing

for her

*

day

by

day

*



family

*'

sister and brother

Anna and Thomas

*

*

Anna Maria Charlotte

*

*

Vanessa and Eva

*

Anna lives in France

*

*

Elisabeth Johanna

*

*

Eva and Elisabeth

*

*

My first born Valentijn

and his Vanessa

and little Eva

*

they all have

 their lifes

and

 I

have mine

and

we

 also are

 part of

 each-other's life .

*

how

wonderful

*

HAPPY NEW YEAR

*

HAPPY

HAPPY

HAPPY

NEW

YEAR

*

TO

YOU

AND

YOU

AND

ALL

OF

YOU

*